So our little embie made it to transfer, which I think was amazing, I truly have to confess that I gave up and thought it was all over and done with.
I begged God to please just let the little embie die if it wasn't going to result in a BFP, not to put me through the 2ww as I know how agonizing it is to just get a BFN at the end of it.
Anyway little guy made it and I guess I can only hope...
On day 3 it was a little 7 cell embie with almost no fragmentation, FS said we had a grade 1-2 embie, so good but i guess not the best ...
And now I am in limbo, hoping, but not wanting to get ahead of myself, but I guess as usual I lean more towards the negative as i always do, having had a good old cry the last couple of mornings
If only we could have a little miracle .....
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
IVF 4 so far
So same as my last post... I have been really bad at blogging.
We are currently just over the halfway mark in our 3rd IVF, but let me start at the beginning of this cycle
I arrived in my beautiful Cape Town and probable not very optimistic about the cycle, but happy to be here.
Day 1
My cycle began exactly as planned and it was a great start.
Hubby arrived in CT and all was well with my soul
Had a acupuncture session Dr told me that my pulse was much stronger than the last time she saw me, things were looking up.
Next acupuncture session, she told me that my body sounded swollen, a good sign and to expect quite a few follicles.
I was however still so hesitant to be hope full but really hoped for the best.
Day 8
Scan revealed 6 gorgeous looking follies.... I have to admit that I was hoping for more, but happy anyway, we were heading in the right direction and it looked much better than my last cycle.
Day 11
Scan showed that my follies were huge and FS booked us for ER for the Wed 23rd of march.
All seemed well and I was hoping for better quality eggs, especially seeing that I had not been on the stims for so long
Day of ER
I was stressing a bit , praying to God to please give us the 6 eggs, please...
Woke up... 2 eggs retrieved the rest of the follies were filled with a murky liquid FS has no idea what it is.
I had to sit through 2 hours of intralipid, plans made when i was still hopefull, crying most of the time, nurses giving me sympathetic looks and the FS telling me that we should pray really hard, like I haven't been begging God to please have mercy on my and give me just one child ...
Day after egg retrieval
I wake up at 5 and wonder how I am going to pass the time until I get the fertilization report.
By 10 I cant handle it any more and DH phones the lab
One egg fertilised .....
I cry and cry and cry, all my hopes are dashed, if this poor little embie makes it to ET I don't have high hopes of getting a BFP.
I beg God for a miracle,please make this embie strong, please let me have a baby
I don't think I will ever have a biological child of my own, I will never look into my child's eyes and see a part of me .....
the family is here and are getting restless, so have to get ready to enjoy the day at a wine farm and be happy, all the while feeling dead, useless and utterly hopeless.
We are currently just over the halfway mark in our 3rd IVF, but let me start at the beginning of this cycle
I arrived in my beautiful Cape Town and probable not very optimistic about the cycle, but happy to be here.
Day 1
My cycle began exactly as planned and it was a great start.
Hubby arrived in CT and all was well with my soul
Had a acupuncture session Dr told me that my pulse was much stronger than the last time she saw me, things were looking up.
Next acupuncture session, she told me that my body sounded swollen, a good sign and to expect quite a few follicles.
I was however still so hesitant to be hope full but really hoped for the best.
Day 8
Scan revealed 6 gorgeous looking follies.... I have to admit that I was hoping for more, but happy anyway, we were heading in the right direction and it looked much better than my last cycle.
Day 11
Scan showed that my follies were huge and FS booked us for ER for the Wed 23rd of march.
All seemed well and I was hoping for better quality eggs, especially seeing that I had not been on the stims for so long
Day of ER
I was stressing a bit , praying to God to please give us the 6 eggs, please...
Woke up... 2 eggs retrieved the rest of the follies were filled with a murky liquid FS has no idea what it is.
I had to sit through 2 hours of intralipid, plans made when i was still hopefull, crying most of the time, nurses giving me sympathetic looks and the FS telling me that we should pray really hard, like I haven't been begging God to please have mercy on my and give me just one child ...
Day after egg retrieval
I wake up at 5 and wonder how I am going to pass the time until I get the fertilization report.
By 10 I cant handle it any more and DH phones the lab
One egg fertilised .....
I cry and cry and cry, all my hopes are dashed, if this poor little embie makes it to ET I don't have high hopes of getting a BFP.
I beg God for a miracle,please make this embie strong, please let me have a baby
I don't think I will ever have a biological child of my own, I will never look into my child's eyes and see a part of me .....
the family is here and are getting restless, so have to get ready to enjoy the day at a wine farm and be happy, all the while feeling dead, useless and utterly hopeless.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
A little ray of light
So as it stands I am already really bad at blogging, I think about doing it the whole time, but I never do ...lol. Great start!
So just a little update on what is happening with us, a month ago I was really down and it just seemed like all the infertility stuff was just too much for me to handle
So I did what I do best , I try to make a plan , I am always making and braking plans but I will find an alternative route if it exists, I think I have to do this for my own sanity!
So I decided than rather wait for another failed IVF before I look at more options I was going to get the ball rolling
At just about the same time I just happen to see a donor on the Nurture website that I totally loved, I showed her to my hubby and everything just seemed to fall into place.
I just happen to write something down and I am so glad that I did, because with all the craziness of my upcoming IVF with my own eggs and all my fears making their come back , its so special to know that there is a little ray of light on the horizon
As all infertile woman know nothing is a sure bet, but this does give me just a little more hope
So here is my message from that wonderful day:
20 February 2011
Today has been a good day!
From feeling a little overwhelmed last night not knowing what is happening in my life to waking up this morning and just feeling a little bit better.
And then the news, our donor is happy to donate to us! She likes us!
Words can’t describe the feeling I was shaking, crying and laughing all at the same time... and just so very thankful!!!
My hubby came home a little while later and as I told him we did our little happy dance and high fived each other, hugged and kissed and just felt happy because it gives us just a little more hope. Hopefully we will have a baby soon.
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